This piece, previously published on Barrier Free, was Tuesday’s Heckler column in the SMH. Link to it here or read it below.
Why do people constantly apologise to me? If I dash across a road in front of a car, chances are the driver will wind down the window and shout ‘sorry’. If I bump into a pram on a busy street, and wake a baby, the mother will usually say ‘sorry’. If I run over a man’s toe in the isle of a shop, he too will offer ‘sorry’. Sorry for what? Just for being there I guess.
It doesn’t stop at sorry. I also get called ‘mate’ and ‘matey’. Not so bad? Mate is defined by context in Australian English. ‘G’day mate’ is always a relaxed greeting, whereas ‘turn the music down mate’ spoken through a locked screen is one step short of threats of physical violence. With me, it is usually coupled with ‘how are you feeling mate?’. And, when spoken in a gentler tone than regular speech and often accompanied by stroking my hand or a reassuring palm on my shoulder, it feels a little like I’m living in an endless rerun of Andrew Denton’s brilliant 1990 program The Year of the Patronising Bastard.
Now, it’s admission time. I do look a bit odd. Due to my medical condition, I use a wheelchair. Due to weakness in my facial muscles, I have a fixed expression, somewhere between startled and bored. When I think of something funny I let out a big, inexplicable, laugh. I can’t talk.
A few weeks ago, I was walking the dog, using my chair, as I do most days. As I need my good left arm to drive the chair, I walk the dog on my right. A cyclist dashed past, hurrying as if he was late for a Tony Abbott look-alike contest, and shouted to me ‘tiges, you should have her on the left’. Tiges? Short for Tiger I guess. When was the last time you heard a 44–year-old able-bodied man called ‘Tiger’? A while, I suspect.
My take on all this? I think ‘sorry’ is just a natural reaction to any minor collision or near-miss with a wheelchair. People assume it must be their fault. It’s not, but it’s understandable. Mate depends on the user and the context. Genuine mates get a pass. But others should be cautious – especially with the tone and the touching. Do you regularly touch pregnant women on the belly without asking? Matey is worse. It’s akin, I think, to men who insist on calling all women ‘girls’ or ‘love’. It’s best avoided.
And my friend in lycra? Sorry, mate, you’re a twerp.
Some really nice stuff on this website, I like it.